The Wildly Eclectic Me

...at least with me, though I am admittedly socially stunted. 1. If you start an invitation with, "You probably can't/don't want to, but..." I'm going immediately assume it's something you want me to say no to and you are only asking out of politeness. Yes, I've said no to things I really wanted to do because I assumed I wasn't really wanted there. If you want me to come some where or do something just ask me. 2. If you don't send me an invitation or invite me personally to a social event I'm going to assume you don't want me there, and thus will not attend. 3. Ignore me long enough, even if we used to be very close and I'll assume it's because you don't like me or are embarrassed by me and will eventually stop attempting to connect with you at all. 4. If you don't invite me to a social event that you assume I wouldn't want to go to so that I won't feel obligated, and I later find out that I was supposed to be i...

So I was watching an episode of hoarders (something about watching that show makes me capable of purging junk in my home and it needs it) and there was a very overweight woman who had just given up on cleaning her house. She would go through these spurts of wanting to get it perfect and working all night long and not ever be able to get it nearly clean so she just gave up. It was obvious to me that she was a perfectionist who couldn't get things perfect so she just gave up on her home, which is probably exactly what happened in regard to her body as well. Then I saw a reflection of myself in the tv, because I was sitting on the floor playing with Avi, and it suddenly occurred to me... Holy SHIT! That is me...that's exactly what I've done... Even when I was younger and lost a bunch of weight, I thought I was horrifically fat... There I am when I thought that. I was so not horrifically fat... But since I worked so hard and still didn't feel good about myself, then all t...