Rules for Social Interactions...

...at least with me, though I am admittedly socially stunted.

1. If you start an invitation with, "You probably can't/don't want to, but..." I'm going immediately assume it's something you want me to say no to and you are only asking out of politeness. Yes, I've said no to things I really wanted to do because I assumed I wasn't really wanted there. If you want me to come some where or do something just ask me.

2. If you don't send me an invitation or invite me personally to a social event I'm going to assume you don't want me there, and thus will not attend.

3. Ignore me long enough, even if we used to be very close and I'll assume it's because you don't like me or are embarrassed by me and will eventually stop attempting to connect with you at all.

4. If you don't invite me to a social event that you assume I wouldn't want to go to so that I won't feel obligated, and I later find out that I was supposed to be invited then I'll assume that you are embarrassed by me or don't like me enough to want me there, and that's the reason you didn't pass along the invite. And trust me, in the day of Facebook I'll hear about it then I'll be hurt.

5. If you don't like me and want me around, because you think I'm not smart enough, wealthy enough, slim enough, attractive enough, entertaining enough, or a good enough parent, then just do me the favor of letting me know. We'll both be better off. Text me. Email me. It doesn't have to be face to face. Then after that I'll leave you alone. I promise. It's a waste of my time and yours otherwise.

I guess the bottom line is, say what you mean and mean what you say, because I'm not good enough at reading social cues to figure out what everyone wants. Not to mention that I'm just tooo tired and busy to try to sort it all out. And if you try to lead me in the direction you want me without saying it outright then I'm unlikely to get it, because I'm too tired and naive to get it.

Comments

Amanda said…
Amen to that. And *hugs* because... well, something brought that on. :(

You're not the only person totally inept at reading social cues. So at least you're not alone there :)
Ms Snarky Pants said…
*HUGS* Thanks, it's nothing that has happened recently really just a combination of a great many past events and current hormonal instability. hehehe And YAY for not being alone in my ineptitude! It's so good to be with friends. hehe
This was beautifully written, Lesley. It touched me because I too have had some hurtful and eye-opening online-related experiences in the past. I'm sorry for whatever happened to you to cause you to write this moving piece.

Sometimes it's like the mean girls in high school all over again, isn't it?

I have no use for small-minded, purposely cruel people who don't have the strength, much less decency, to stand on the courage of their own convictions without having to follow the pack and do whatever the leaders do in hopes of being accepted.

*Hugs*
Ms Snarky Pants said…
Thanks, Susan! *hugs* Yeah, people can be really cruel and others can be totally clueless about what they're doing. It's crazy how the mean girls grow up and find new stuff to judge you about! Oh well, they can take their judgements and shove it.

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