The first line of Blood and Violets...

By -
When Marie arrived to work that evening at the diner on Sixth Street, she’d planned on serving the restaurant’s patrons their dinner not becoming someone’s dinner herself.

So, what do you think? Silly? Cool? Give me your honest opinion. I can take it. *cowers in fear* ;-)

Comments

Julia said…
She must have been serving mountain lions or dragons or something! More information please!!!
June 27, 2009 at 10:21 PM
Julia Phillips Smith said…
Really intrigues. I would separate the line at 'not becoming someone's dinner herself.' Like adding a dash, perhaps.

'When Marie arrived to work that evening at the diner on Sixth Street, she’d planned on serving the restaurant’s patrons their dinner - not becoming someone’s dinner herself.'
June 28, 2009 at 5:14 AM
MsSnarkyPants said…
Yay! Just the reaction I was going for!

Julia: She'll be "serving" a vampire in a couple pages. hehe

Julia S: I totally agree with the dash. That really makes it better! Thanks!
June 28, 2009 at 6:57 AM
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